Quick 24 update:

Body count as of end of hour 5:
Bad Guys: 9 Jack: 7

Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is on FOX 5 in DC right now - I thought Marvel burned every copy of this movie.... David Hasslehoff - you're so dreamy when talking with a cigar clenched between your teeth.

Someone gave Uwe Boll more money to make another bad videogame movie, and then convinced a bunch of known actors to sink low enough to star in it:

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie

Wierd:

Mike Tyson Punch Out in Concert

I want to own this:

LOADED BIBLE: JESUS vs. VAMPIRES ONE-SHOT
Written by Tim Seeley, art by Nate Bellegard and Mark Englert, cover by Stefano Caselli.
In the near future, the United States is ruled by bloodsucking vampire hordes. Only one man can end their reign of terror: Jesus H. Christ. A tale of war, love, religion and severed heads, the controversial Loaded Bible answers an age-old question: "What Would Jesus Do?" Answer: He'd kick vampire ass.
48 pages, $4.99, in stores on April 19.

24

Hour 3:

How long does it take for Jack to go from assassination suspect to back in charge…

Good to see Doug from Mind of the Married Man getting some work.

Body count as of end of hour 3:Bad Guys: 6          Jack: 4

Hour 4:

10:06: Hobbit sighting!!!!!!!!!!

Body count as of end of hour 4:Bad Guys: 8          Jack: 6

Ninja vs Pirates: "When the most archetypal enemies in the universe clash for the ultimate battle, lives and love are on the line. This could be the most epic and important film of this century."

My favorite part:
"Ninjas like to hide in the rafters. So when you enter a room, shoot your muskets off into the air wildly."

Note: The movie is actually pretty terrible, but amusing.

24

And the season officially starts late…. (at least I’m watching a game with a player named “Justin Gage” in it)

On West Wing: CJ and Danny jaw… something about “bangin” being a euphemism.

Panthers win.

On West Wing: Will is awkward

Graphic violence! Viewer discretion! 18 months ago!

Hour 1: 7AM-8AM

7:02: Robin Wood!
7:07: “Have you arrested the person who did this?” Holy crap, Palmer was shot less than 5 minutes ago!
7:10: Chloe’s a slut!
7:15: Michelle’s still a hottie! Such an unintentional bad pun…
First commercial break body count:
Bad Guys: 2           Jack: 0
7:27: Best line so far: “I look like a wedding cake” So not only is the president a gigantic nutjob, but his wife actually makes him looks competent.
Second commercial break: still no hobbit sightings.
7:40something: Now we’re talking – Jack punches out a guy named Weaver, kidnaps a kid, and steals a helicopter. When does the shoosting begin?
Third commercial break: Danny and CJ are not eating dinner again. Apparently a potential nuclear meltdown trumps romance.
7:50: Edgar Styles is heartbroken. Time to crack some skulls Edgar…
7:59: What did Palmer know?
Hour 1 body count:
Bad Guys: 2          Jack: 3

Hour 2: 8AM-9AM

8:00: Annoying teenager B is thrown up against wall. Again.
8:07: “The man does have a history of insubordination.” There’s an understatement. It must be refreshing to start a season as a rogue agent
8:15: Chloe = exposition girl.
8:17: Wayne Palmer = Gary Payton.
There aren’t a lot of clock tickers…
8:28: Still no hobbit sightings…
8:36: Did Jack just take out a baggage handler?
8:45: How in the hell did those two become the first couple?
8:55: Jack has a tender, fatherly moment.
8:59: What, a mole? They’ve never done that before. Still no hobbits!
Body count as of end of hour 2:
Bad Guys: 4          Jack: 3

Major props to the Steelers and their awesome (though harrowing) upset win over the Colts.

Coming soon (under two hours) the return of:





Let the body count begin!

Kill Bill meets Resident Evil meets Underworld meets Aeon Flux:

Ultraviolet

The creepy park ranger blogger left a comment!

This can't be legit:

Chuck Norris responds

Fake! But interesting:

Robot in disguise?

Kinda funny:

Pac Man Library

Handy little site; here's the quickest way to get a real person and not deal with stupid automated peoples:

IVR Cheatsheet

How did I not post this yet:

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

This is kind of cool. Here's a list of the National Film Registry at the Library of Congress; all these movies have been deemed cool enough to keep for FOREVER!

National Film Registry

Happy New Year! (I know, a day late, so sue me)

One of the funniest quotes of last year (and last week):

Gup: Who brought a drinking game to a party that there's kids at?
Tim: I dunno, who brought chocolate covered pretzels to a party that there's fat people at?

This is the Ultimate Showdown!

I bought an iced tea at CVS the other day and the cashier told me I was not a winner. Except that there was no contest......

Carver Revealed: I was waaaaay wrong (surprise, surprise) but it was a very satisfying end to the season.

Even funnier SNL skit from Saturday: Spelling Bee
"That little boy was me-ee-ee-ee-ee- this was a true story"

Last minute Carver prediction for tonight's Nip/Tuck finale. I'm guessing it will be none other than Christian Troy's father. My evidential backup? Nothing. But if I'm right, you may call me king.

SNL gets it right: It's all about the Hamilton's baby

So Dark the Con of Man:

Da Vinci Code Trailer

My new favorite game: (mostly because I rock at it, and you can too!)

Progress Quest

According to WUSA: Borf is Back!

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

Me: heidi klum annoys me
Annie: why?
Annie: and what really happened to seal's face?
Annie: dog mauling?
Me: "take the immune boosting tablet created by a teacher"
Me: wtf
Me: why would I trust a teacher over a Medicine making scientist
Annie: eh, maybe they were a chemistry teacher
Me: would you put something in your mouth if heath myers gave it you?
Annie: ohhhhhh lordhavemercyNO
Me: see?
Annie: fine
Annie: now what about heidi clum and seal??
Me: would I trust Medicine they made?
Annie: no what happened to his face and why do you find her annoying?
Me: she seems retarded - even for a super model
Me: and I love this song!
Annie: really?  i've never heard it
Annie: oh wait yes i have
Me: see!
Annie: how they do they walk on that floor with heels that big
Me: no but shot
Annie: you've got a point
Annie: but i'd be interested in if that is just for this show or for all of her catalouge shots too
Me: i just happen to have the catalog her
Me: i will do some research
Annie: excellent
Annie: so now's seal took the floor
Annie: he's BRITISH??
Me: wait heidi and seal are MARRIED!
Annie: had nooo idea
Annie: totally, she just had a baby like 6 weeks ago
Annie: she looks AMAZING
Annie: oh snoop
Annie: you make any event special
Me: giselle's butt is not in the catalog
Annie: i think tyra banks works for Satan

X3 in Glorious Quicktime!

Correction - later today. (It's past my bedtime!)

Coming tommorrow: the X3 teaser!

It's funny 'cus its a missile

It wasn't me:

Man accused in $200,000 Lego Internet scam

Awesome because I was there - Nittany Lion Dynamite.

Still not old: Numa Numa Marching Band

Eddie Guerrero passes away: One of the all-time greats in the wrestling world passed away this weekend. You'll be missed, Eddie.

"Explosively funny, unnervingly shocking and perversely adorable":

Jesus is Magic

Stupid, but blogworthy: Drunk Guy gets Kicked in the Crotch by Ninja Turtle

Happy daylight savings!

Fun stuff - feed your Lost addiction (from EW): Oh, Lost-ies, what will you watch for the next two weeks while your favorite show is in reruns? (Besides this.) Instead of isolating yourself in a bunker listening to Mama Cass on a loop, you could just watch your favorite castaways in their appearances on other shows and movies that are airing over the next couple weeks. Think of them as "flashbacks" of these actors' careers before the crash of Flight 815. Press the remote button -- the button is good. See the calendar here (It includes Locke on the Cutting Edge! Toe Pick!)

Great quote from The Superficial:

"Nicollette Sheridan (the slutty one on Desperate Housewives) has called off her engagement with Swedish actor Niklas Soderblom. No word yet on her seven other engagements. Get it? Because she's a big old slut. Also, Teri Hatcher is pure and strong and everything that's good and not slutty in the world. This message brought to you by ABC."

In other news: Eva Longoria still hot.

They just found Mae Young's other hand.....

Don't forget - my favorite new show, Prison Break returns tommorrow night with an all new episode (9PM FOX, directly following an encore of the previous ep). If you want to learn more, FOX is airing "Prison Break: Within the Walls" special, showcasing the first seven episodes. Check it out.

Quote of the weekend: "Remember, Dwain, it's what's on the outside that matters the most" - interestingly enough, our office's marketing specialist.

God bless the mediocrity of the Washington, DC sports scene - the most exciting (read: only) football game on is the Redskins vs the 49ers. I might just go back to bed.

Dwain's religion news: (more coming soon):

from the post: Preaching With a Vengeance

hi and larious: Nintendo Choir

Amazon DVD TV sale: A lot of early seasons of TV shows for under 20 bucks, including ER, West Wing, Nip/Tuck, and Lois and Clark.

A great article from yesterday's WP about the "reverend" Pat Robertson:
Preaching With a Vengeance

I did jinx myself! Damn!

In other news - damn people who get gaming winning touchdowns in the last 1-3 seconds of the game. I think you know who I'm talking about Wolverine Trojan man.

If only to continue this (dare I say it and thus doom it?) streak:

Anyone know why someone plays taps outside my apartment every night at 11?

Who spam comments on a blog anyway?

Connie from the Mighty Ducks was on Lost tonight! - Thanks to Rocco for the research.

Corn chips are no place for a mighty warrior! - probably funniest TGS yet!

Funny + Sad - US Invades Australia?

Fun Roommate Quotes of the Weekend:

"Chuck Norris is my nemesis"

"I suck at killing things and fun"

So, as many know, one of my favorite books of 2004 was Gideon Defoe's Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists. I was at Barnes and Noble this morning and saw that there is a sequel: Pirates! In an Adventure with Nemo. So I did the typical "very cool, I'll go home and buy it on Amazon for cheaper" BUT IT ISN'T ON AMAZON! What's going on amazon? Get your crap together!

The feel good Shining.

And the Red Sox season ends.....

Five Funny Principles Of Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

Another reason to watch Alias next week (the first being the fabulous Rachel Nichols):
Amy Acker!!!!!

Freakin a - The Hanso Foundation

Why is it so hard to regularly post on this thing?

And the is a little something I like to call: Devo Jr.

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés:

some of my faves:

14. Garrett's Principle: Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

56. Zeigfried's Contradiction: Just because someone is weird doesn't mean they're important.

63. Principle of Narrative Efficiency: If the main villain (or the enemy you've been trying to kill for most of the game before he summons the real final villain) was ever defeated in the past by another group of adventurers, one of them will secretly be in your party and one of them will be the hero's father.

74. If You Meet The Buddha In A Random Encounter, Kill Him!: When you're out wandering around the world, you must kill everything you meet. People, animals, plants, insects, fire hydrants, small cottages, anything and everything is just plain out to get you. It may be because of your rampant kleptomania (see Garrett's Principle.)

107. Arbor Day Rule: At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says.

see the rest here.

RPS 15! - ROCK POUNDS OUT FIRE, CRUSHES SCISSORS, SNAKE, HUMAN, WOLF, SPONGE, BLOCKS (GROWTH OF) TREE. And so on.

Oh that crazy Liu Kang

Apparently we have Porn Squard now. From the WP: Recruits Sought for Porn Squad

My fave quote:

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

put the you know what in the you know where - new Bloodhound Gang

IMDB: In pirate mode today:


"We're not breaking out of Jamba Juice, gentlemen" - best quote from tonight's Prison Break. A Prison Break LiveBlog might be in the works.

My friend Alan can't talk like a pirate. Instead he sounds like a leprechaun.

From my cousin Tiff: Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died from pirate attacks.

"I feel like a human being" - Some classic Mitch Hedburg

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Brett Favre just passed 50,000 career yards, joining the ranks of only Marino and Elway. Go Brett!

Scent Stories - Apparently it's like a CD player for your nose. I don't really understand - why stories? Is there some plot that I don't get?

A friend just sent this to me; it's probably one of my favorite TV quotes of all time:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members.


In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Sarah Silverman on Crack(On Chappelle's Show on Jimmy Kimmel Live)

When Bush arrived in Biloxi, Miss. on September 2nd, he made a deeply felt speech in response to the devastation he witnessed and the stories he heard:

"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch," he said, referring to the former Senate majority leader who lost his 154-year-old family home in Pascagoula, Miss.

I want to sit on Trent Lott's Porch

"Welcome to Heaven! Enjoy the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory!"
-Flying Spaghetti Monsterism - The Game

More X-Men:

Revisiting Profit

I love Wolvie's canadian accent!

And another great one:

X-Men: Dark Phoenix Rising

The answer is "yes, I am as tired as I sounded in that last post". I was looking for something on newgrounds and found this instead:

X-Men: Death Becomes Them

I was gonna do this stupid thing, but it didn't work. So I didn't. I think it is a sign.

Quick DVD update - as Rocco reminded me, Thundercats has also been released on DVD - in a crappy Season 1, part 1 package.

Also, finally saw Entourage. And yes, I'm hooked.

One more down -

On Feb 12th, I put up a list of tv shows I'd love to see on DVD. So far, they've released Lois and Clark and Scrubs, and I get another on Tuesday!

Mind of the Married Man Season 1

You've probably already seen this, and I don't think tis the tko, that others are calling it:

Hitchens vs Stewart (that Jon guy) - From Crooks and Liars

also, does anyone remember seeing it when it aired? I could have swore Stewart put Hitchens in his place once with a line like "btw this is my audience" - but it does not seem to be here in this video. Could it have been edited, or was I jsut really tired when it was on originally?

Follow-up to the Robertson story - Chavez is calling him a terrorist!
So Robertson apologized: "I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him."

Open Letter to the Big Guy

Hi God,

It's me, Dwain. I know I don't write as often as I should, but there is this crazy guy, and he totally thinks he has your number on speed dial. Can you let him know whats up? I'm not asking for anything hardcore, like an assassination of a foreign leader or mysterious and sudden deaths of Supreme Court justices, just a little common sense for one misguided dude who happens to have his own tv show. Thanks!

Robertson Calls for Chavez Assassination:

Pat Robertson, the television evangelist and Christian Coalition founder, has set off a diplomatic fracas with Venezuela by calling for the assassination of its populist president, Hugo Chavez.

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on his Christian Broadcasting Network. "We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

See link above for the whole freaking story.

Damn! I didn't blog yesterday, breaking my streak of a whopping five days! Don't expect anything else out of me today or tommorrow either, because it's Pirate Party time! Woohoo! That's right, the big bad Pirate Night 3: Pirate Night With A Vengeance is here! Look for some crazy pictures from the night up here or on ahoy-matey.com in the next few days. Arrrrrrrrr!

Ikea Walkthrough
This is funny, but probably only if you are into both video games and swedish furniture.

I think I've seen this before, but it is still pretty funny:

The Urban Ninja
(note: this site does not actually support ninjaism. In fact, we believe that it is an unnatural abomination, and should be snuffed out of existence. But watch the video anyway.)

Marvel November Solicits:
Worth a looksee here.

You thought it would never come back (maybe you even hoped that), but after two long months, here it is - the return of Cap'n Jibidy!

Issue 41: Hook, Lines, and a Stinker - only at www.ahoy-matey.com

Hopefully this isn't a reflection on the state I live in...

$50 laptop sale sets off violent stampede - People trampled, beaten with folding chair as 'total chaos' takes over

Big Boys is 2 for 2 today:

Pregnancy Test

How in the hell did he do that?

Guy teleports out of trashcan

My new favorite site.

I'd post a extract, but I don't want to give anything away.

http://www.venganza.org/

Fun message from Cingular:

NOTE: This is an automated email. Please do not reply to this email. Replies will not be read.

I'm going to start sending emails:

NOTE: This is an automated email. Please do not reply to this email. Replies will be printed out, shredded, and lit on fire.

Brickfest 2005

I actually just happened to to catch a blurb about this in Thursday's Express and was like "holy crap, there a freakin' lego convention down the street from my house!" I of course had to go. I posted about 75 pics on ahoy-matey.com here:

http://www.ahoy-matey.com/brickfest2005.htm

Here's their official site:

http://www.brickfest.com/

Awesome (and more than a little wierd). Apparently it is in DC every year, so who knows, maybe Jibidy will show up there next year!

Oh, and yes, I'm back from the beach. :(

Incredibly geeky fan movie: Ultimate Eye for the Vertigo Guy